While I was away on retreat, God used the things around me to teach me what was going on inside of me. It came through two big moments that happened within the first 24 hours of my arrival.
The first one had to do with fire. One beautiful feature of the house was a wood-burning fireplace. My friends had given me an orientation, what to adjust, etc, etc and I was excited to have a fire to gaze at, to warm me. But…slowly but surely, I saw a whole bunch of black soot on the glass starting to build up and blur my view of the fire. I didn’t remember it looking that way when they had shown me what to do. I was worried that something was wrong.
I did a quick Google search, and messaged my friends for some troubleshooting advice. Yikes, there was a problem. The build up of black soot is dangerous in a fireplace because it’s flammable, and if it builds up in the chimney, it could cause a chimney fire, or worse, potentially burn down the house!
The second thing that happened was that I saw the bird feeder getting empty, so I went outside to look and see if I could find birdseed in the garden shed. I approached the door, and turned the handle, preparing to open the shed, but instead, I heard a distinct ‘click’ as if something was locking into place. I tried to lift the sliding door. No movement. I wiggled the handle. No movement. I couldn’t believe it. I had locked the door. Locked it! I could feel the shame warm my face as I stood there embarrassed by what I had done.
What it’s like me to do when I feel shame is to remember that I can have ‘tough’ conversations, recognize my mistakes, admit my faults and be transparent when I apologize. I sent a text message with the heading ‘Troubleshooting & Asking for Forgiveness’.
What I received was an invitation to a video call. And you know what happened? They were so very kind and forgiving. And this is where I met God – through the unconditional love of my friends. My worry about the fireplace gave way to confidence that things would straighten out if I just built a strong, hot fire. My shame gave way to self- compassion, and a light-hearted laugh as my friend told me that her husband’s response to the dilemma was, “well, I guess we’ll just have to cut a hole in it!”
I mean, have you ever done something embarrassing, or potentially dangerous, and then were treated really well, with love? It was such a big lesson for me to experience how my friends could love me in my good moments, and in the low moments as well.
In the compassionate love of my friends, I received an even bigger gift – the gift of the Lord’s healing touch on my heart. As I contemplated the whole series of events, I saw how I could mess up, and still be loved. My eyes were filled with gentle tears as I sat in awe of the Lord’s kindness and tenderness towards me. I heard his truth spoken to my heart, “Sister, you are very easy to love.” I sat with his word spoken to me. I let it soak in.
And so, my questions to you, dear friend. What is the Lord teaching you? How has the Lord used what is around you to show you more about what is inside you? Because this is exactly where God meets us, and loves us.
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