A Knock at the Door

Here I am in our new house in Cornwall, Ontario. It was a whirlwind move, or so it seemed, and with the gracious help of all the Sisters, we were able to get the house cleaned up and settled in. It is amazing what can happen when we all work together for a common goal! We tried our best to have things look perfect and lived in. Shortly after we had everything in place, we had Archbishop Damphousse and Bishop Mathieu, S.M. along with many friends of the Community over for the first Mass and house blessing. Then a few days later, we hosted an Open House for new and old friends alike to come and see our new foundation.

As I sat and prayed about how to write about settling in the house for this blog, I kept hearing in my heart from the Lord the words “You do not need to wait for everything to be perfect before inviting me in.” These words brought to mind something I wrote many years ago that I feel the Lord is calling me to share now. It is a letter that I had written to the Lord at a time when I was hearing him knock at the door of my heart, but I was afraid to let him in and see the mess inside. I am reminded that just as in any house, there will be times of cobwebs, dust, and sometimes dirt, but he wants to be in the mess with me and help me clean. He already knows things will not be perfect, especially if I am trying to do everything myself. I need his help.

Here is what the letter said:

Dear Lord,

You stand at the door and knock. It is not a hard, pounding knock demanding entry, but a gentle loving one. It is the kind of knock that tells the person on the other side it is safe to open the door. I know it is you knocking as the radiance of your love is shining through the edges of the door as well as through the peephole. Even though I know it is you standing there, I still look through the peephole thinking to myself you won’t know I’m at the door, but forgetting for a brief moment that you see and know everything!

As I take a peek, you step back, open your arms, and give me a loving smile. I turn around quickly with my back to the door. My heart is racing. I struggle with my thoughts and feelings. My heart tells me to open the door and let you in. My head says to keep it closed out of fear, fear of feeling those things that I know you will reveal when I open that door and let you in. I then begin to think that if I stand there long enough without moving, maybe you will give up and go away. Alas, I am wrong, as you begin to gently knock once again at the door.

Deep down in my heart, I know what I need to do. I reach for the handle and begin to open the door ever so slightly. I open it just enough to look and see you standing there. I keep one hand on the door to not let you see the condition of what is inside, as my place is a mess! It has been a long time since I have cleaned and I am embarrassed to have you see it this way.

You once again smile your loving smile at me. You then ask, “My child, what are you so afraid of?” I answer in reply, “My place is not clean enough to have you in. It is messy and dirty and not fit for your presence. Let me straighten things up a little before I let you come in, OK?”

Lord, you know that my way of straightening things up is to gather the junk together and hide it in closets or under the bed, figuring I will deal with it later. In all likelihood, it will never be dealt with for a long time until there is no more room in the closet to stuff the junk into.

You say to me, “My child, you have been trying to straighten your life for so long by just hiding things away so others cannot see the mess. You know that no matter where you hide the junk and the messiness of your life, it still exists in your place, even if it cannot be easily seen. I am here to help you clean out your place, get rid of the junk, and patch up the cracks and holes that need repair. You do not need to be afraid of whatever things that will be uncovered, I will be right here with you to help you deal with them. You will not be facing this task alone. We will do it together. I know there will be tough times ahead, and the process seems overwhelming, but you will succeed as I will not let you fail.”

You look at me and can see I have one last question on my mind that is keeping me from letting you in. Before I can ask, you tell me, “Do not worry about what might happen after we finish cleaning, for I will not leave you. I am here to stay! Together we can continue to deal with the messes in life, clean as we go, and not let things get piled up.” “It all starts with you taking a step of faith and fully opening the door and inviting me in. Will you do that? Will you invite me in?”

As I read over this reflection again, I am reminded that as we are now trying to make this house a home, that is what Jesus is wanting to do in each of our hearts. He wants to make our hearts his home. He wants to settle in and help clean up the mess and the muck that may be in our lives, as we do the same in our homes. We just have to say yes and open the door of our hearts. He doesn’t care if it is an elegant mansion or a fixer-upper, he just longs to come in. Can you hear him knocking? When I lived in Texas, my friend Fr David Bergeron, CC used to teach people to pray: “Jesus, mi casa es tu casa…The home of my heart is your home” Amen.