In The Father’s Hands

The passing of Sr. Anna came with a whirlwind of shock, pain, and emotions. I flipped a lot between denial and wanting to bargain with God. To accept that she was gone from this earth meant having to grieve, experience sorrow, and the big loss that came with it.

Especially during February and March, the Lord provided opportunities to help me process, grieve, and find lots of consolation. Our Sisters all came together in one household to strengthen and lean on one another for support. Priests who came to celebrate Mass for us at our home reflected the love of the Heavenly Father for us by their words and actions. Sr. Anna’s parents made us part of their own family in an even deeper way than before. The generosity, prayers, and support of benefactors, friends, and neighbours continuously pointed me to the Father’s tenderness and care.

One example of a conversation that brought me consolation and a new perspective happened at the reception following Sr. Anna’s funeral. I spoke to a woman who compared the timing of Sr. Anna’s passing to that of how the disciples of Jesus only had three years with him. This struck me because at the time, I was in my third year in the Community.

Thinking more about this allowed me to place myself in the Apostles’ shoes. All the intimate moments they shared with Jesus, from the time they were personally called to follow him, the one-on-one time they must’ve all experienced, the daily learning, praying together, ministering, sharing firsthand from him and with him, seeing so many signs and wonders, and then beginning to participate in this ministry themselves, gave them many experiences of divine truth, love, and goodness.

They then experienced fear and confusion when Jesus started preparing them for the death he was going to suffer. Once he did take his final breath on the Cross, feelings of agony, being lost, and doubts made their way into the picture. I realized periods of fear, anger and doubt I experienced in the midst of Sr. Anna’s passing could be likened to that of the Apostles. I wondered why, not just something – but someone, was gone? Why now? Suddenly taken away, and to find our lives drastically changed. The Apostles ached at losing not only their best friend, their teacher, but the Lord himself. I, too, felt the weight of having lost someone very special and important to me.

Thankfully, that wasn’t the end of the story.

Jesus kept true to his words and rose again. The impossible became possible. This is the very hope we are all made for, and it has allowed me to hand over Sr. Anna’s passing to my Heavenly Father, knowing that she couldn’t be in any better hands. I know I am also made for an everlasting union with God, and that will only come to pass as I leave this temporal home to enter into a permanent one.

I am grateful for every moment I shared with Sr. Anna, and the absolute gift she was to me and those around her. I thank God for inspiring her to begin the Sisterhood of the Servants of the Cross and her faithfulness in establishing this foundation amidst the obstacles she faced. Daily, she gave God permission in her life, and if it wasn’t for her yes, and for those of my Sisters, I wouldn’t be in my vocation where I am today.

Most of all, I give thanks to God for the gift of her maternal heart that loved so vastly and readily. Whether it was the way Sr. Anna spoke encouragement and life over me, gave counsel, spread joy and shared laughter, or the times she knew me better than I knew myself, I see that the love I received has continued to have an effect and inspires my heart and actions today.

Sr. Anna’s fidelity to the call the Lord put on her heart is what I long to seek after and imitate. By her witness, trust in the Lord, and courage, I am reminded to take strength and not be afraid to continue walking in my own vocation. It is especially through her prayers and asking her intercession that I am comforted, still knowing I have a spiritual mother looking out for me.

Many of us have experienced the ache of loss and grieving a loved one, or perhaps the effects of a big change in our lives. I ask you: is there anything, or anyone, that you need to entrust into the Father’s hands to live in Christ’s peace and confidence with the plans or calling he has been writing over your life? Let’s give God our fresh permission today to use us however he wants, for the rest of our lives, knowing he will transform us in the process.

Photo credit: Pexels – Gerzon Piñata 470468947-32074709.jpg