I have a longing deep down in my heart to go on a pilgrimage walking the Camino de Santiago in Spain. Maybe not walking the full 500 km, but at least part of it. One of the places I want to experience is spending time at the “Cruz de Ferro.” At this point on the trek, the pilgrim is called to leave a small rock which he/she has been carrying with them since the beginning of their journey. It symbolizes leaving your burdens and worries down at the foot of the cross. Will I get there some day? I hope so.

Why am I telling you this and what does it have to do with St. Joseph? Each year here in Community, we are given a different Saint to walk with. This year, St. Joseph is my Saint friend. I recently had the opportunity to go on a silent weekend retreat. I love retreats, as God always shows up. My focus was not only to spend time with God but to spend time with St. Joseph as well. At this particular time, I was feeling overwhelmed, anxious, tired, and in need of some time away with the Lord to get rejuvenated and refocused after a few busy months in Community. Before I departed, one of my sisters had a Holy Spirit prompting to take a small rock with me and leave it at the foot of St. Joseph, as I would at the Cruz de Ferro on the Camino.

On Saturday morning, I found myself walking outside in the cold brisk air and I ventured over to the statue of St. Joseph that they have on the property of the retreat center. I was excited to see my new friend and to have the opportunity to speak with him, especially since no one else was around. As I stood there, I remembered the word about the rock. Unfortunately, I had forgotten said rock at home, so I walked over to the garden that I knew was not far from that spot. I looked down and found a single small stone waiting for me. I picked it up and returned to St. Joseph. As I looked up at him holding Jesus, I began to pray.

I held the rock tightly in my hand and spoke from a place deep down inside my heart where I tapped into those feelings and emotions that I have been known to stuff way down. I told St. Joseph and Jesus that the small rock represented all my struggles, my insecurities, my doubts, and my fears from the past few months. As I spoke, I realized that the stone was also my hardness of heart that had been developing towards myself and others. Lastly, it was for the times that I tend to stone myself when I fall short of being the perfect person I think I am supposed to be and for failing to reach the high expectations I have set for myself.  You see, these are all lies that I have come to believe throughout my life. For as long as I can remember, I have been a person who tries to please those around me. This is where that struggle with perfectionism comes in. Even though I know with all my heart and mind that I am loved by others and that I do not have to do anything to earn that love, my deepest fear is disappointing those whom I love. These were all things that I needed to let go of.

I prayed for an infilling of the Holy Spirit and for peace to come to the chaos that was inside my head. I asked for Jesus to reveal his truth to me. I declared out loud his truth that I am enough, I am strong, and that I am loved. Most importantly, I believed and declared that I am broken and that is perfectly okay. After a short time, I took the rock and laid it down at the foot of St. Joseph and Jesus. I asked them to take these burdens from me and continue to walk with me throughout the rest of my retreat and beyond.

That little action was so freeing for me. I could feel peace return both to my mind and to my heart. I walked away as a different person. When I returned to the statue the next day before leaving for home, the small stone was still where I left it. All I could do was smile and thank St. Joseph for being there for me when I needed him. I have treasured his friendship more and more since that day. I continue to lay everything down at the foot of St. Joseph, because where he is, so too is Jesus.

4 Comments

  1. James Hatchette January 15, 2022 at 3:48 pm - Reply

    I love your story! Praying for you at this moment for your continued healing.

  2. Charles Giardina January 15, 2022 at 4:39 pm - Reply

    Thank you Sr. Alison. Praying we all find the courage to make room for God’s healing grace and mercy. 🙏🙏🙏

  3. Charles Labrosse February 27, 2022 at 7:20 pm - Reply

    This was as if someone had written down exactly my thoughts. Thank you Sister Alison for taking the time to share your experience and your spiritual insights.

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