Journey of a Heart

If you asked me why I joined the Servants of the Cross, I would have said, “Thanks to God’s sense of humor.”

Growing up, the thought of becoming a Sister never crossed my mind. None of my relatives lived the consecrated life. Until I suffered deep pain and miseries (as I had put God aside and relied on my human effort) I knew I had to make a decision: my heart was telling me to go back to Church, should I go? Then I went. I allowed my heart to be comforted. Looking back, I understood that I subconsciously chose to have God in my life; receiving him in Mass, being with him in prayer, and learning the Catholic faith once again.

One book I read changed my life: The Way of Divine Love. I encountered the merciful and gentle Sacred Heart of God. It’s easy to love him. He doesn’t demand as we think he would. He makes use of our little acts of love and sacrifice to bring many others to God. Being inspired, I wanted to dedicate my life to love him and to help others encounter Christ Jesus – the fulfillment of all desires. Only then would I find meaning in life.

I began the search for a religious community saturated with God’s grace. One time a lady prayed over me and said, “God has a place for you. Don’t be afraid. Where there is a will, there is a way.” After talking to her, I felt strengthened and renewed. From California, I flew to Houston, Texas, where I was introduced to the Companions of the Cross, and eventually, the Servants of the Cross. At first, I didn’t like the element of charismatic, the idea of joining a new-founded community, the reality of living in cold weather (as I was born in a tropical country), etc. I bluntly responded to the Vocation Director: Sister, I am not interested. Don’t wait for me. And I moved on. As I kept up with my prayer life, I found myself drawn deeper to God and to the spirituality of this Community. I had to do something about it. Next, I contacted the Servants (again!) and applied to join them after my ‘Come and See.’

Years have gone by; I have learned the art of being who I am in God. I have been healed from most of my wounds and traumas. I found genuine joy. Life in the heart of God is very transformative. Why not? When we bathe ourselves in the sun for just an hour, our skin gets tanned. And here, in this Community, devoted to the Eucharist — I sit in front of the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament, day in and day out, wouldn’t God constantly renew me with his love and make me love him more and more? I aspire to be another Jesus to others in ways God sees best, and who can prevent the power of God’s mercy from fulfilling such a noble desire of this infinite soul?

God’s humor? Definitely, God’s ways are much better than mine (Isaiah 55:8-9), with trust, I have peace and confidence – I’m like a little child playing and working with her Beloved as I journey towards the end of this earthly life – where I know my heart will be completely and ultimately satisfied when I see God.

I am convinced that the closer I walk with God, the more I radiate joy. In Jesus, I will illuminate God’s light and hope so that others can live their life in God’s abundant mercy, not only in this life but in the next life of eternity.

Be blessed…